


Hidden Thoughts

by Ely



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: 707 Route Spoilers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, I don't know what else to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 19:25:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9563096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ely/pseuds/Ely
Summary: Saeran is trying to handle his own thoughts and emotions, not realising Saeyoung needs him just as much as he needs Saeyoung. And both of them need you.





	

**Author's Note:**

> based off a tumblr request someone sent me for "a Saeyoung x MC and Saeran fic where Saeyoung has fallen into one of his depressed moments and needs cheering up"  
> refers to MC in second person

It wasn’t unusual for Saeyoung to lock himself away for a few hours at a time so he could focus on his work. That left you and Saeran alone, and at first it was horrendously awkward because you barely knew each other. You tried to make small talk, but he often replied with one-word answers, or just didn’t respond at all. Quite regularly he would leave the room altogether, opting for his own bedroom which was quieter and safer – not to mention far less awkward and stressful.

But, gradually, he felt himself growing a little more comfortable around you. He was still saturated with self-loathing and now possessed countless nervous tics he had developed since getting out of the hospital, but it quickly became clear you didn’t mind his irritating habits which helped with his anxiety.

He found you endlessly fascinating. How could someone be so forgiving? How could someone forget all that he’d done? How could someone act as though they cared about him? It didn’t feel possible.

It seemed genuine, though. You didn’t seem to be acting. You seemed entirely at ease around him, which he reluctantly admitted to himself was rather comforting. He found himself staying in the room with you for increasingly longer periods of time, and his answers getting less short and snappy. He still never initiated conversation, but he didn’t outright ignore it anymore. Admittedly, it was easier with Saeyoung there too, but he was starting to dread these quiet moments less and less.

As was usual for a Thursday evening at 6pm, Saeyoung had been locked away working for the past 4 hours, which left you and Saeran sat in the living room. He was absently staring at the TV screen while lost in his own thoughts, and you were sat on the other end of the sofa reading a book. That was one thing he liked about you, actually. You always knew to give him personal space, and never crowded him. You seemed to know that intense, prolonged contact with people, physical or otherwise, set him on edge.

Saeyoung usually returned at around 9pm, whether he’d finished his work or not. He made the excuse that he just couldn’t _bear_ to be away from his baby brother and hot ass girlfriend for too long, which always made Saeran roll his eyes and grumble.

It wasn’t long before you got up and headed into the kitchen, returning a little while later with two bowls of soup, one of which you placed on the table in front of Saeran.

“Sorry it isn’t much. We need to go grocery shopping soon,” you apologised, and Saeran gave a small nod by way of thanks. He wasn’t particularly hungry anyway.

Once you’d both finished, you collected Saeran’s bowl and headed back into the kitchen to wash up. Saeran glanced at the clock. It was nearing 7pm, so would only be a few more hours until Saeyoung returned.

Not that he cared, of course.

His phone started buzzing, and he checked it to see notifications from the RFA chatroom. He still wasn’t used to being a member of the organisation he’d tried so hard to destroy, and he very rarely bothered checking the messenger, let alone talking on it. He didn’t turn the notifications off, though. For some reason, the near-constant buzzing soothed him.

He continued ‘watching’ TV and you continued reading as the hands of the clock crawled around its face. Eventually, it hit 9, which meant Saeyoung would be out at any moment now.

But the hands kept moving and you both kept waiting.

Once it hit 9:15, he glanced at you out of the corner of his eye, but you didn’t seem too concerned.

Once it hit 9:30, he noticed you looking up at the clock too.

Once it hit 9:45, Saeran couldn’t handle it anymore.

“Where is he?”

You looked up, a hint of surprise on your face. “I don’t know.”

You looked thoughtful, and he noticed your eyebrows pulling together slightly in worry. It wasn’t unusual for him to be a few minutes late, but this was out of character.

“Maybe we should check?” you suggested. Saeran stared at you for a moment.

“Maybe,” he said by way of agreement. You closed your book and stood up, and Saeran followed suit as you led the way to the door of Saeyoung’s room. You leaned closer to the door to see if you could hear anything from inside, and from the way you frowned Saeran could tell you couldn’t.

“Not even typing?” he asked quietly. You shook your head.

“Nothing.” You held up your fist hesitantly for a moment before tapping gently on the door twice. “Saeyoung?”

No answer.

Saeran leaned closer to the door too, pressing his ear against it for a moment before pulling away when he was met with silence. He reached for the doorknob, ready to yank the door open but he felt your hand grab his wrist gently. He looked at you incredulously.

“He’s not answering,” Saeran told you. The look in his eyes told you everything you needed to know.

Saeran had always been scared of abandonment, and he was about to panic if he didn’t see Saeyoung soon.

You nodded wordlessly and let go of his wrist, and Saeran pushed the door open.

Neither of you were sure what you’d been expecting, but it wasn’t this. Saeyoung was sitting there, staring at his computer screen. It wasn’t so much _what_ he was doing, but rather the atmosphere of the room. He was so completely still, he could have been a statue. His fingers were hovering over the computer keyboard, and when you looked more closely you could see that they were the only part of him that was moving... they were shaking.

You and Saeran glanced at each other for a second, exchanging a meaningful look before you both slowly approached him in his chair.

“Saeyoung…?” you said his name softly as you reached him, standing either side of the chair, but he didn’t respond. He wasn’t even blinking. Only his hands were shaking. It was as though he was in some kind of trance. Saeran saw you gulp and look up at him, and you locked eyes for a moment as he saw your face flood with worry. His brain was surprisingly numb, and he wasn’t sure what to do. He folded his arms in an attempt to stop himself from falling apart, or to defend himself in case this turned out to be some kind of prank.

You slowly reached your hand out, and it hovered over Saeyoung’s shoulder for a moment before you gently lowered it to touch him.

As soon as you made contact, he jumped so much he left his seat and his head snapped round to look at you. His breath was coming out in rasping pants and his entire body started shaking as you pulled your hand away, a look of shock in your face.

“Saeyoung, what the fuck is going on?” Saeran blurted out, and Saeyoung spun round to face him instead.

“Saeran,” he whispered, his voice hoarse. The look in his eyes was full of such sadness and guilt that Saeran could practically feel it spilling from his pores and clogging up the room. Suddenly, Saeran felt Saeyoung grab hold of his arm and jerk him closer, forcing him to unfold them from his chest, “I-I’m so s-sorry.”

“What the fuck is this?” Saeran attempted to sound harsh, but his voice came out desperate. What was his brother _doing?_

Tears started spilling down Saeyoung’s face and he dropped Saeran’s arm, standing up so fast he sent his chair flying across the room. He clutched his head in his hands, tugging at his hair. You quickly placed a hand on his back and leaned forwards, trying to pull one of his hands away from his hair.

“Saeyoung, listen, come with me,” you told him. Saeran looked at you questioningly, and you just tilted your head to point to the door.

You successfully managed to pull one of his hands from his hair and nodded your head to gesture for Saeran to do the same with his other hand. He didn’t even hesitate, immediately grasping hold of his twin’s wrist and using his other hand to pry his fingers from his hair. The two of you led Saeyoung out into the living room, which wasn’t easy because of how badly he was shaking and sobbing. Saeran could feel the panic bubbling in his chest, but he pushed it down. He needed to help Saeyoung. That’s all that mattered right now.

Eventually, you reached the sofa and helped him down to sit on it, not letting go of his hands as you both crouched in front of him. You placed a gentle hand on his knee.

“Saeyoung, what-” you were interrupted by Saeyoung violently shaking and jerking his head repeatedly until his glasses flew off his face and landed somewhere on the sofa. He had a death grip on both of your hands.

“I’m n-not _worth anything,_ ” he sobbed, his words barely comprehensible through the guttural sobs, “Nothing I’ve ever d-done has been _good_. I d-don’t want to be like this an-anymore.”

You and Saeran looked at each other, fear on both your faces.

“I c-can’t keep living like this. I don’t deserve anything y-you’ve ever done for me. I’m so disgusting, a mess, I can’t fucking _live_ like this.”

“Saeyoung-” you tried to get a word in edgeways, but he interrupted.

“Don’t say my fucking name like that!” he all but screamed, but his death grip on both your hands tightened even further, “Just _leave!_ Both of you just _leave!”_ His head shot up and he looked directly at Saeran, “Leave me like I left you. Just fucking _do_ it! I deserve to be hurt.” His eyes switched to look at you, “Hate me. Say you don’t love me. Tell me none of it ever fucking _mattered,_ like I did to you.”

“I’ll never l-leave you,” you stammered, trying to stop yourself from crying.

“ _That just makes it worse!_ ” he yelled, sobbing hysterically, “I should just _die._ ”

Saeran wasn’t entirely sure what brought him to do it, but as soon as the words were out his mouth he yanked his hand from Saeyoung’s and threw his arms around his shoulders, pulling him down into a hug.

“Don’t fucking say that,” Saeran growled, his voice thick with tears he hadn’t noticed were falling down his cheeks, “Don’t _ever_ fucking say that.”

Saeyoung’s body shook and he buried his head into his brother’s shoulder, soaking through his shirt, but Saeran didn’t care. He was filled with thousands of conflicting emotions he couldn’t place, and hugged his twin tighter to him, suddenly needing to be closer. You grasped Saeyoung’s hand in both of yours and leaned forwards, pressing your forehead against his knee as you cried silently, stroking his knuckles with your fingers, occasionally pulling his hand to your lips to kiss his skin gently.

Saeran could feel Saeyoung gripping hold of the back of his shirt in his fist.

Saeyoung was shaking and his body was jerking, but he was gradually calming down. Saeran didn’t know whether to rub his back or do something soothing like you were, but he stuck to just holding him close.

Eventually, Saeyoung let out a shaky sigh, which sounded somewhat final, and so Saeran pulled back, gripping his shoulders in his hands and staring into his eyes. He looked exhausted.

“I’m sorry,” Saeyoung whispered, his voice hoarse. Saeran just shook his head in denial. He didn’t understand why he was apologising.

Saeyoung broke eye contact and turned his head to look at you as you lifted your head from his knee. He squeezed your hand and gave you a shaky smile.

“I’m an idiot,” he said, attempting a joking tone, but it came out flat. You let out a small, slightly hysterical laugh.

“What happened?” Saeran asked.

“I... I don’t know,” Saeyoung shook his head, “I just realised… how worthless I am… I don’t know.”

“You’re not worthless,” you told him, “You never have been and you never will be. Not to me.”

“I-” he began, but Saeran interrupted.

“Or me.”

Saeyoung looked at him wide-eyed. “I thought you hated me.”

“I… no,” Saeran admitted, breaking eye contact, dropping his hands from Saeyoung’s shoulders and starting to pick at his nails, “I just think you’re an idiot sometimes.”

“Right,” Saeyoung let out a small laugh.

“But I know you’re trying,” Saeran continued. He knew if he didn’t say this now, he probably never would. In all honesty, he hadn’t realised much of it himself until the moment he’d watched Saeyoung break to pieces in front of him, “And I know you care. And… as annoying as you are, I don’t… I don’t want you to think I hate you.”

There was a long pause, until Saeyoung eventually rasped, “Thank you.”

It was small, but it was enough. Saeran felt his emotions closing up again, but that didn’t undo the fact that Saeyoung had somehow manage to burst them wide open and leave a hole in the walls he’d built around himself. He was hit with a sudden realisation.

Saeyoung needed him just as much as he needed Saeyoung.

And both of them needed you.


End file.
